The Oldest Daughter Playbook

April 14, 2022, I got punched in the face by a client I was taking care of.

No, seriously. Punched. In the face.

Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face. For me, that moment was not just physical. It was a turning point. A moment that forced me to stop, slow down, and look at my life differently.

Not long after, I experienced a brain injury. Recovery was not simple. It required patience, rest, and a kind of stillness that I had never really allowed myself before. I had always been someone who moved quickly, who carried responsibility, who pushed forward because that is what you do when people depend on you.

But recovery has a way of changing your relationship with time. Somewhere in that process, I started writing.

At first, it was simply a way to keep my mind active. A way to rebuild thought by thought, sentence by sentence. But as I kept writing, I realized I was returning to something that had shaped my life for as long as I can remember… being the oldest daughter.

If you know, you know.

Being the oldest daughter is rarely just a birth order. In many families especially immigrant families the oldest daughter becomes a translator between worlds. Between generations. Between dreams and reality. Between what is expected and what is possible.

As I started sharing that I was writing a book, I noticed something interesting.

Some people were excited.

Some people were curious.

And some people… had mixed feelings.

That surprised me at first. But then again, it didn’t.

Because speaking up, taking space, and telling your own story can make people uncomfortable especially if they are used to you carrying things quietly. When I began advocating for myself after the injury, I saw reactions that felt very familiar. Reactions that echoed something I had known for a long time as an oldest daughter…sometimes people are comfortable with the role you play for them, but not with the possibility that you might want something more. But the truth is, I did want more.

More understanding.

More voice.

More room to think, write, and reflect on the experiences that shaped me.

And so this project was born.

The Oldest Daughter Playbook is a space where I will be sharing reflections, stories, and ideas that are shaping a book currently in development. It is a place to explore identity, black femininity, responsibility, culture, leadership, and the quiet roles many women carry long before anyone calls it leadership.

Someone recently said to me that after my brain injury, it’s like I found my voice somewhere else.

Maybe they’re right. Sometimes life forces you to pause long enough to hear yourself clearly.

This blog is part of that journey. If you’ve ever felt the weight of being the one everyone relies on…

If you’ve ever had to grow up a little faster than you wanted to…

If you’ve ever wondered how those early roles shaped the way you lead, care, and move through the world…

You might find pieces of your story here too.

So welcome.

I’m glad you’re here ❤